The Last Words
by imaginebrolin
Summary: Arthur realized that he was really going to die. It was going to happen soon. He could feel the cold breath of death on his neck. It was lurking behind his back, watching closely his every move, waiting for the right moment... But there was something Arthur had to do before his last breath. 5x13 Merthur AU.


_**This fic was translated by me from Polish (the original title is **_**Ostatnie słowa**_**). I would like to thank my lovely betas, gammas and omegas: Zoe and Elise for putting up with my shite grammar; Roma, Kass and Charles for... well, for being there for me because without them my life would be boring!  
**_

_**This fic is dedicated to my amazing Merlinfamily on Tumblr. I just joined you, but I love you guys already!  
**_

* * *

King Arthur triumphed.

Gaius, the old medic, was the only one who knew what happened to him. Since the end of the battle no one had seen him. There were rumors that he was seriously wounded. _Mortally_ wounded.

Arthur wasn't the only one missing, but no one was talking about the second missing person. No one had noticed his absence because he always had lived in the shadows.

Only Gaius knew where and _with whom_ the king was.

* * *

The morning of the second day of the trip, Merlin slowly began to lose hope. When he found Arthur on the battlefield, unconscious, and hauled him out of the earth to find him a safe haven, he already knew that the chances were slim. Although he didn't allow himself to believe that. The voice of reason was drowned out by the voice of the heart. Its loud cry came down to a few sentences repeated by Merlin frantically.

_We'll get to the Lake Avalon. We'll get help from Sidhe. Arthur will survive. I'll save him._

He had saved him from not such oppressions, right? Not that wounds he had healed, right?

_He was wounded by the blade forged in a dragon's breath._

Aithusa.

Why had he saved the dragon's egg? Everything he had done, no matter how hard he had tried... It all led to Arthur's bane. Merlin lost the fight against his destiny. Cruel fate balled long, cold fingers on his throat and was choking him, not allowing him to take a breath.

Arthur had to survive.

* * *

"You need to eat", Merlin said firmly, forcing Arthur to swallow another bite.

The king was laying on the ground, popped up against a gnarled tree trunk, his armor crumpled. The rays of the sun breaking out from behind the tree canopy were dancing on his face, fading with each passing moment. He was barely able to focus his eyes on his manservant, but gentle touch of a friend was soothing him. Merlin supported his head, not taking his eyes away from him. He was affectionate and caring. He has always been, Arthur finally realized.

But Merlin wasn't his manservant anymore. He never was just a manservant, he was much more than that. He was a companion, a friend. A lover. The only one Arthur has ever had.

But he was also a sorcerer.

Arthur was feeling the pain every time he remembered this fact. Merlin was hiding the truth for so long. And Arthur trusted him, he really trusted him. He still trusted him. He couldn't hate him, he couldn't be angry with him. He wanted to see an evil, powerful sorcerer his dead father had always warned him about, but he couldn't. He saw just Merlin, he saw his protruding ears, prominent lips and his blue eyes that were constantly looking at him. He saw the man he loved, but in a completely different light. It was still Merlin, but now he seemed to be stronger, more serious and mature. Wiser.

But despite all these changes it was still _Merlin_.

"Why are you doing this? Why are you still behaving like a servant?", Arthur asked. He couldn't understand it. If Merlin was so powerful, as Gaius had said, he didn't have to obey anyone. He could rule the world, legalize magic in Camelot, defeat every king and every queen, every army and every beast... And despite that he was still kneeling here, by his side, desperately trying to feed him.

Merlin set the bowl down. He leaned towards Arthur. He looked him in the eyes with a feeling that Arthur couldn't recognize immediately. The words were escaping, the meaning was blurring, but he finally managed to recognize this one feeling because he had seen it so many times before. It was how Merlin was always looking at him.

Merlin was looking at him with _love_.

"It's my destiny", Merlin said with a smile. Arthur didn't understand. "As it has been since the day we met."

Arthur smiled at the memory. Suddenly everything he had felt then came back to him. He saw himself during the one of the many plays full of senseless violence, which he had enjoyed as a young and, he admitted to himself, arrogant prince of Camelot. He saw Merlin, a skinny guy with legs like sticks and ruffled dark hair, who dared to stop him abusing a former servant. Arthur was fascinated by him because he had the courage to stand up to him. Merlin was brilliant, he had a witty riposte to everything. For so many years Arthur didn't allow himself to this awareness, but he had to admit that he liked Merlin from the very beginning. He hadn't really wanted to kill him then, it was just a little teasing and showing off. Everything he had done, he had done to impress him.

"And I stopped you, using magic."

"You cheated!", Arthur exclaimed in disbelief. He had been so clumsy during their encounter. He had always thought this was because he was amazed by Merlin**.** But it was magic! Although probably even without magic he would have having troubles concentrating. Merlin struck his head like a cup of fine, old wine. He bewildered him and deprived him of common sense... but Arthur didn't have any doubts about whether his feelings were true, not even for a second. He was sure that his feelings weren't caused by magic. Merlin wouldn't do that. He wouldn't cast a love spell at him.

That clotpole didn't have to.

Merlin's smile widened. In the corner of his eyes formed wrinkles. He remembered the fight in the market place as well. He shook his head as if he couldn't believe that such happy memories belonged to him. "You were going to kill me".

"I should've", Arthur snapped. He didn't really think so. He just didn't know what to say. He knew nothing anymore.

The smile on Merlin's face faded.

"I'm glad you didn't", Merlin added with more serious tone.

Arthur sighed heavily. Tears welled in his eyes. He remembered every moment spent together with Merlin. When they were joking, talking about foolish things, teasing each other… when they were happy. When they were fighting to the death. When they were just sitting in Arthur's chambers, throwing furtive glances full of intense desire. All of it.

Merlin leaned closer. Suddenly he was so close that Arthur could feel his warm breath on his cheek.

"I do this because of who you are", Merlin whispered. Arthur knew what Merlin had in mind. He saved his life multiple times using his magic. Everything he had done, he had done for him. "Without you, Camelot's nothing."

"There was a time when that was true. Not now. There are many who can fill the crown", Arthur protested. It wasn't all in vain. He defeated the Saxons, he defended Camelot. He built the foundation for a great kingdom over which Guinevere could rule.

Merlin shook his head. He hesitated for a moment to answer. He blushed, clearly confused.

"There will never be another like you, Arthur", he said.

The king of Camelot was literally speechless. _How is it possible that he loves me so much?_, he thought, trying to find the answer. _Adores me so utterly? That he sacrificed his whole life for me, his every breath?_ _How?_ Arthur was touched.

Merlin was confused. He realized that he had said too much and quickly looked away, embarrassed. _He has such long eyelashes,_ Arthur thought.

Merlin touched his head and held it gently in order to feed him.

"You're my friend and I don't want to lose you", Merlin said, encouraging him to eat.

This time Arthur swallowed whole bite, even though it was difficult to him. He didn't want to disappoint his friend.

Merlin tried to hide his nervousness, but Arthur knew. He knew that Merlin had noticed how Arthur was losing his vital force. Merlin was desperately trying to not see it, not ceasing in his desperate efforts. He was taking care of him, keeping him safe. Merlin didn't take his eyes off him even for a second. He was watching.

And then Arthur realized that he was really going to die.

It was going to happen soon. He could feel the cold breath of death on his neck. It was lurking behind his back, watching closely his every move, waiting for the right moment... _You will fail to surprise me_, he thought. _I know you're close._

"There's something I must do until I die", he said.

He raised his hand, moaning softly in pain that was throbbing in his wounded side, and pulled Merlin closer. He closed his eyes to forget the pain and be able to fully enjoy the taste of his lips. He was grateful that Merlin wasn't saying anything. They both knew that in comparison with those previously exchanged kisses this kiss was weak, clumsy and desperate. They were rather soft caresses of lips, the study of their surface. They were trying to save the impression offered by the proximity. It was something more intimate than a simple kiss. They both subcutaneous felt that this was the last time and they consequently didn't allow it to consciousness.

Arthur sighed quietly, trying to hold back the tears.

He wanted to kiss him until he died.

He wanted to kiss him many times later, but he had no strength.

He wanted to be kissing him now and ever.

* * *

At night Arthur was almost tangibly feeling how life was escaping his body. He was very weak. They had to stop much more often than before. Arthur was remaining silent almost all the time and wasn't moving at all, because every word was coming out of his mouth with great difficulty, and each move required superhuman effort. But there were still so many things he wanted to say to Merlin. So many things he wanted to ask him, so many secrets to unravel, so many promises he wanted to make. So many declarations.

He managed to tell him to never change. He wanted Merlin to stay true to himself, even when Arthur would die. More than anything he wanted to ensure that Merlin wouldn't fall into despair, wouldn't become sad and bitter, that a grief wouldn't crush him. He wanted Merlin to be happy after his death.

He managed to apologize to him. He had been a jerk to him so often, but it was just because he was teasing him, fooling around. In a weird way, he showed sympathy. He couldn't otherwise. Merlin had set off feelings that Arthur didn't know previously and there was no one to teach him how to show them. His father had always been restrained, cool and aloof, and his mother had died giving birth to him. Arthur had never experienced mother's love, he didn't know the caring touch of her hands. He didn't even know what it meant. They were just empty slogans, abstract concepts, wishful dreams and unrealistic ideas.

But when Merlin touched his cheek and stroked it tenderly, whispering soothing words, he knew that this was exactly what he has longed for.

His arms felt like the safest place in the world to him.

* * *

Merlin killed Morgana with the king's sword thrust.

Once this was accomplished, Arthur could pass away calmly. He didn't have the strength to live anymore. His heart wanted to stay with Merlin, but his body couldn't, because death was reaching its arms for him. His time has come, his last hours struck. He had carried out the mission as king, led the people to war. Now it was time for something new, for the new era of peace, the new reign. The new era in which there was no place for the dying king of Camelot. His time has come to an end.

In those last moments he only wanted Merlin to stay with him, to be held in his arms. Arthur found himself grabbing Merlin's hand, shook it and vowed that he wouldn't let go of it until he dies. Only Merlin mattered to him. _Mer_lin. _Please don't go. Don't leave me. Stay with me, Merlin. Stay._

"There's something I want to say…", Arthur almost wasn't aware of anything anymore. He could only hear how fast Merlin's heart was beating and how weak and silent his own was beating. He was wondering whether his heart would last long enough for him to say what he wanted. He could hear Merlin's rapid breathing. His friend was holding him.

"You're not going to say goodbye", Merlin gasped, as if it would have some effect. As if he could stop death. His cheek was so close. He pressed it to Arthur's face that was getting colder with every moment.

"No, Merlin…", Arthur denied. He wasn't going to say goodbye. He will always be with Merlin. He will stay with him forever in his heart, just as Merlin would remain in his. Death could separate their bodies, but not their souls. Not their hearts.

"Everything you've done…", Arthur looked him straight in the eyes. His lips were already livid. "I know now", there were no words to express what he felt. Life was leaving his body. He had to hurry. "For me", he managed to tell. "For Camelot", he finally understood. Merlin didn't take his eyes off him. He was holding him tightly. He stayed with him. "For the kingdom you helped me build..."

"You'd have done it without me", Merlin interrupted. Even now he didn't seek any credit. He wasn't waiting for applause.

"Maybe", Arthur still couldn't understand why Merlin trusted him so much. He always believed in him, even when the future king was just the arrogant and inward-looking, stupid prince... He never doubted him.

The king of Camelot tried to smile, but only a painful grimace showed on his face instead of a smile. It hurt so much. All around him was dark and cold. His eyes were watered. Merlin was the light that was leading him the way. Merlin was the warmth he needed.

Not only at the moment of death, but throughout his whole life.

"I want to say... something I've never said to you before..._", _he had to tell him. This was the last thing he was going to say in his life. He didn't have strength for more. It was so dark. So cold. He felt so much pain, and only Merlin's arms were holding him on the ground.

Even now, he didn't say it right away. Walls he was erecting for years even now didn't want to fall, but the light broke through them with a force more powerful than magic.

"_I love you."_

It felt so wonderfully soft to the soul, when he said it. Finally. He should've told him so long ago. And now, when he dared to say these words, he wanted to repeat them. He wanted to tell him again and again how much he loved him. How much he always had loved him.

But he didn't have enough strength.

Arthur managed somehow to raise his hand and stroke Merlin's tangled hair. He pulled him closer instinctively. He wanted to see his beautiful eyes once again, feel his face close to his. He wanted Merlin to cover his lips with his own one more time. Merlin's eyes were the last thing Arthur wanted to see, departing him from this world.

But then his hand fell to the ground and Arthur's eyelids drooped.

"_Arthur...No! Arthur!"_, Merlin's voice was vibrating in his ears for a moment. Arthur was happy that his voice was seeing him out of this world, that Merlin's touch was his companion.

When Merlin cried, desperately repeating his name, Arthur managed to open his eyes one last time to see the hopeful smile that appeared for a moment on Merlin's face.

_I love you,_ Arthur thought.

He slowly closed his eyes.


End file.
